So you say your marraige is done for?

Keys to a successful Marriage...

Marriage is a lifelong partnership between you, your spouse and God...

So you say your marriage is done for, over, finito! I truly understand and I've been there so I'm not judging... but can you help me to understand something?

Being married for 10years, four children, Jobs and not to mention we are assistant Pastor of a church it is very safe to say that we have a lot of people who pulls on us for encouragement council etc.  and we have to deny ourselves and issues for others.  I must admit that I've made the confession of "I'm leaving" to myself plenty of times... I've had my venting moments and then I got myself up and got over my selfishness and got back in my right state of mind. I made a commitment, a vow to love for better or for worst, till death do us part and I meant it! Love is not easy so why did we expect marriage to be a cake walk? Sometimes your spouse will get on your last nerve and seldom for good reason and yet we still love them and they love us despite our craziness. 

During my bout with Breast cancer

What I need to understand is... why is it that marriage has an easy disposable section in our hearts today that was not there 30 years ago?  Maybe because divorce is so readily acceptable today. We can get married and a year later confess happily that this is not working out and will move on to the next person without dealing with ourselves first.                             True love goes through many trials, bumps and bruises but will remains strong and unbreakable. My husband an I have seen some really rough times...we've overcome breast cancer, lights being shut off, gas being shut off, not having a job etc. I admit we've both had times when we shut down. Our love has been tested and  I'll tell you that many people that declare that they love each other would have given up long ago. Which goes on to say, what many people think is love today is in fact a strong desire not to be lonely or lust and infatuation? I mean think about it...you are head over hills for each other, you enjoy each others company  and you can't go a few hours without speaking on the phone...you have to see each other everyday or you will feel something is offset...you make love like animals each time you see each other. So what changes once you are married? Now instead of that smile you are snarling at each other.  You'd at one time drop everything when they'd call and now you are to busy to talk  or you just don't want to talk at all. Instead of confiding in one another you choose to talk to other people,  bringing intimate detail of your secret place to people who want what you have or people who encourage you to walk away. You are telling them that the sex has dried up etc., etc.

Yes, let's not forget to mention the children... I know you may have children and you didn't before so now your to tired to make love and you barely have time to breathe without someone calling your name.  But ask yourself honestly and I think this is a major problem...Do we truly count up the cost before we say I do? Once life starts to happen we don't have time to count anything because it comes in full fledge and we allow it to consume us and therefore we feel trapped so that fine man who at one time only had to look at us to turn us on is now irritating to look at or that woman who only had to walk into a room and you were ready to wisp her away into a secret place, you are looking for ways to sneak away for some peace or sneaking around with another woman.

Yes, money plays a serious roll in marriage and the lack there of can destroy a marriage quicker than infidelity! Not to mention bills piling up or services being turned off are not ideal things to take place in a marriage but they do in fact happen and if you truly do not love your spouse you will leave them instead of trying to help make it better. Remember your marriage is a partnership!

If you truly love your spouse can I suggest a better way than hastily walking away mentally or physically? I'm also going to do you a favor by not lying to you and saying it's going to be easy. No, it may be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do and holding your tongue in many cases and deny your self for the sake of helping your spouse reach his or her full potential and capability will be a great help in this process. Because that's exactly what this is...a PROCESS!

Out enjoying eachother

• Communication with honesty (Men sometimes have an issue communicating so sisters don't chase them into a hole)
• Have an open ear and heart to hear what your partner's trying to share (Sometimes this is hard when you tend to thing you do no wrong. you must truly look at yourself in the mirror and fess up)
• Let Him/ her talk without interrupting (Don't try to manipulate through your cutting them off and don't monopolize the conversation)
• Compassion (when you talk don't say words to them you don't want to be spoken to you or don't do to them what you cant take yourself)
• Consideration ( Don't be selfish...consider that he had a hard day or she had a tough day and before you fuss or complain ask them how was their day and truly listen)
• Touching without sex being on the forefront (Hugs are a very powerful thing especially the real tight ones...they relieve stress) 
• Make time for each other without the children ( If it's possible get out of your surroundings try some place new and enjoy each others company) 
• Leave work and Ministry out of your private time (He or she is more important than your job or what's going in the ministry...make your time personal and free from stress and worries)

  

  I have his back and he has mine (that's what marriage is about)

 If your spouse is abusive and you've truly stood in that marriage, I'd suggest that you'd seek council with someone that you trust. Please do not remain in a situation that could life threatening to the lives of your children, his or your life.